Lately, I’ve been going to my local library to check out books that pertain to the subject of metaphysics. Most of the books I have been reading are on the introduction of metaphysics or guidance on meditation. I recently had to return a book when I started a conversation with a former colleague. I was a librarian for 18 years and changed profession a few years ago. In this particular afternoon, I was asked if I miss working at the library. I was honest and said “Yes, at times.” I then shared an story about a patron who brought in a tire into the library.
I always found working in a public library to be interesting. There was never a dull day at the library because the staff and I would encounter all walks of life. It’s a public setting and everyone is welcome. When I became a manager, I had to be at the forefront whenever there were issues. I could be dealing with an issue regarding fines on a late item or items or worse, a problem patron.
I have many stories on problem patrons. However, the one that stuck out to me that afternoon involved a regular patron. This patron decided to bring a used tire into the library. I’ll call him Mr. Patron for this story.
I was in my office when I got a call about Mr. Patron. He was sitting at the computer desk and had a car tire laying next to him. This part of the library had a narrow hallway and his tire was blocking access to the other computer desks. I remember feeling puzzled. Why was he allowed in with that tire? I learned, as a manager, some staff members do not want to confront a patron. They would rather have the manager deal with it. To be fair, the staff member who called me, was very proactive but needed my assistance to de-escalate the situation. That staff member had just started her rotation at the desk. The previous staff member overlooked the situation.
When I arrived, I was shocked to see a pretty big tire laying on the ground while Mr. Patron was on the computer. The staff member who called me tried to get him to take the tire outside. Mr. Patron did not want to move the tire. I asked to speak to Mr. Patron privately and he immediately got defensive. He stated that he needed that tire because he and his friends at the shelter were buying a van. They thought it would be great to keep this tire as a spare for their future purchase. I listened to Mr. Patron until he was calm. Then I explained to him the rules of behavior for patrons in the library. I specifically referred to items that could interfere with access for other patrons.
To give some background on Mr. Patron, he was a regular at the library. Sometimes we had to ask him to leave for multiple reasons. He was someone who could either be receptive to being asked to leave or he would get very angry. I knew that I could not laugh or say anything that would be disrespectful to Mr. Patron. I knew that I had de-escalate the situation and I did not want to rush to call the police. I knew that if I spoke to him in a calm manner and listened, we could come to a resolution.
I was glad he wasn’t combative that day. To my surprise, he did seem receptive to moving the tire outside of the library. We had a lobby area. I suggested that he move it there. This way, he could see it from where he was sitting. He was afraid someone might steal it. I did not think the tire would be stolen. However, I was concerned that someone would report the tire to the maintenance crew for removal. I made sure to let my co-workers know that we were going to let Mr. Patron leave his tire there until he was done with his computer time. He sat at his computer for about 20 minutes and left the library. He took his tire and we did not see him the rest of the day.
Mr. Patron did try to come back the next couple of days with his tire. Again, I told him that we could not have him bring the tire inside. He was not happy about it but those were the rules. Eventually, he came back to the library by himself with no tire.
I looked back at that moment. I realized how much that tire meant to him. I did not invalidate his claim or logic. That is his truth and I respected it. I could have dismissed him without reasoning. However, I felt he needed someone to understand. I also knew that we had to come to a resolution.
Why am I writing about this?
For a week I thought about why I mentioned this story that afternoon. I was wondering, why is this running in my head, how does this relate to my last three posts?
I am starting to come to the realization on which direction I want to go on my spiritual journey. I am fascinated by spiritual gifts that people receive either through a near death experience or through another channel. I find that when someone tells me their story, I listen and I sincerely believe in everything they tell me. I want them to understand that they are not alone. If my purpose is to bring that information out, then that is what I would like to do. I want to help anyone who has the same experience but has no one to talk to. To bring those stories out and to create a community that helps with learning more about these gifts.
I will share more as I embark on this project. I hope to share this with anyone that reads my blog posts.
I’ve come to terms that God/Source/Spirit is with me. It is not easy for me to write this. I’ve held the idea of God at the back of my mind. It was locked away and never to be discussed. I’ve always thought of myself as an atheist. All of that changed a year ago. Since that time, I have changed my views with spirituality. I have neglected my website and it has been a year since I posted anything. I actually started to write this draft about a year ago. I thought I was ready to write about my spiritual awakening but I never got past four sentences. A year later, I realize I am ready to be honest about my introduction my spiritual journey. Because I am still at the beginning of my journey, I hope whoever reads this can offer clarity and guidance.
Near Death Experience (NDE)Videos
Believe it or not but YouTube was how my spiritual awakening unraveled. My wife was getting into her spiritual journey at the beginning of 2023. I would support her but I had no intentions to join her. I was very reluctant to watch some of the videos on topics regarding spirituality. She would share with me what she learned and how she wanted me to watch them with her as well. I initially watched these with a very low level of interest. She finally got me to watch interviews of those who experienced Near Death Experiences (NDEs). When I finally gave in and started watching some of the videos, the interviewees described journeys to places beyond Earth. They would all say that those places felt more “real” than life on Earth. More “real” than Earth? How is that possible?
Some interviewees talked about popping out of their bodies and seeing their physical body. They described seeing people around them during the near death experience. They could hear the thoughts of everyone around them. I thought, “Wow, how cool would it be to hear people’s thoughts and to fly around!” Then they would talk about transporting to another place. Either by a tunnel or by some sort of portal or white light. Of course, I was very skeptical at this time. I wasn’t really taking any of this seriously. However, I was curious. That’s what would drive me to watch the entire video. I also requested that my wife only show me videos that were no more than 15 minutes long. I did not want to watch long drawn out videos. I feared these videos were trying convince me to join a church or to lure me into joining a weird group. I also had the expectation of seeing some religious text. No thanks!
During these interviews, people would talk about their journey to a new plane of existence. Some would call it heaven, others just called it a connection to spirit or “home”. I would watch their stories. Some commonalities were that they experienced a “Life Review.” They would watch and re-live an experience from their past. They would experience perspectives from everyone involved. For example, if they hurt someone, they would feel the pain that they gave to the other person. Or if they gave money to someone in need, they would feel the other person’s relief. They would also feel the joy it gave them. For the most part, they re-lived the hurt they gave someone. And that was for a reason, for them to understand that they need to change how they interact with others. In these moments of the videos, I honestly thought about my life review. I questioned what it would look like. I realized that I don’t want to go through it. I also would mentally roll my eyes about the lessons that given. In this realm, the people with the NDEs, would talk to loved ones or would have conversations with their angels. They all said that they felt this immense love that could not be described. They were given information that was necessary and were given a choice of coming back to Earth. They all came back but they all stated that they did want to stay. I would get tripped out by the fact that they wanted to stay but knew they had to come back. But what stuck with me after watching the videos is that they seemed sad to be back on Earth. They couldn’t really share this information about their experience with everyone. Even those who would talk to doctors and nurses would get a cold shoulder which made me sympathetic to them.
My wife would find more videos for me to watch. I would either dismiss them or view them after dinner. She would convince me about how good the video was when she saw it earlier in the day. So I would watch. The one NDE video that struck me was that of an atheist who nearly died. His experience was very much the same as everyone else who had an NDE. I resonated with his story when he talked about his reluctance to religion and God. He talked about how dismissive he was to anyone who would approach him with any hint of religion or God. His experience in the other realm was similar with a life review and I believe he talked to an angel. He came back to Earth with a knowing that we are all a part of God. He mentioned how he came back to Earth with more compassion. Although he did not become extremely religious, he no longer saw himself as an Atheist. He knew where we come from and where we go after this life. He had a peace with him and I immediately started to look for similar stories.
“I would like to have an NDE!”
I found the videos inspiring and I found them cool. It made me even say, “I would like to have an NDE!”. My wife would laugh and told me that she would believe me if I did have one. Later, I saw a YouTube video where a woman had an NDE as a baby. She did not realize that she had one until her brother told her about that experience. After watching that video I realized I may have had one. I felt like it may have happened to me.
There was always a family story about how I fell down the stairs twice as a baby. My brothers would make fun of me for falling down. I was learning to walk and I was in a baby walker when I fell down the basement stairs. I don’t remember any of it. The first time I fell, my mother was aware of it and had freaked out. The second time, my mother was at work. My dad covered it up so my mom wouldn’t know about it. Some time later, my older brother accidentally told my mom. He revealed that I had fallen down a second time. Of course, she was angry with my dad. While telling my wife the story, I suddenly recalled something important. My family mentioned I had passed out in one of those falls. I came to the conclusion that that I may have indeed had an NDE! This was an ongoing story that I remembered as a kid and teen. I hated hearing these stories because it made me feel like such a klutz even though I was just a baby!
I became curious about that whole event. I called my older brother and he told me a version of the story I had never heard before. He said that I passed out during the first fall. My mother immediately rushed to grab me and he saw my body limp. My mother ran upstairs and ran outside of the house hysterical. According to my brother, she was screaming and yelling outside of the house. He remembers her saying, “They took my baby! God, please help me!” At some point, while I was in her arms, I came to. My brother stated that he saw me my legs kick out and that I had started crying at that point. My mother was relieved. So it was no surprise that she would be very upset knowing that this happened again. Sidenote, there is a door leading to the basement. My parents had rented out the basement room to my uncle and aunt. Someone accidentally left the door open, hence why I fell, twice.
After talking to my older brother, I called my mother about this story. She recounted it, she got very emotional talking about it. I felt bad for bringing it up. However, it gave me confirmation that I potentially had an NDE as a child. I was just a toddler! Of course, if I did have an NDE, I don’t remember it. In the YouTube videos, people who experienced an NDE would sometimes say they felt gone for a long time. This was even though they were gone for only a few minutes on Earth. So I wonder, how long was I gone for?
Dreaming – Is it a gift?
I came to the conclusion as to why I had very vivid dreams growing up. It was most likely the result of an NDE. Becoming aware of this event made me understand some of the things I dealt with as a child. I was always confused by my déjà vu dreams. These moments from these déjà vu dreams would happen within a couple of days. They were so vivid that I couldn’t understand why I was having them.
I remember as a 6 year old trying to explain them to my parents. I would dream about myself and the people I was around. A few days later, it felt like I had been here all along. I wanted them to help me. They weren’t bad dreams but they were dreams of the near future. As I got older, I started having fewer déjà vu dreams. However, when the moments would come to fruition, there was an intense dream recall. Almost a reminder that I still had those type of dreams. I would also have odd experiences that I could only attribute to the paranormal. Yet, I always knew I had something special. It felt like I can attract more that what’s in the physical plane. I kept these things to myself. Sometimes, I shared them with my siblings when they talked about certain weird things they noticed.
I could talk more about my experiences growing up in my parent’s house but I’ll save that for another time. Fast forward to now. I only remember having had one lucid dream when I was a teenager. I’ve had four lucid dreams this year and I’m trying to figure out how to “do” it again. In all four of these dreams, an event made me realize I was in a dream. I have tried to use some of the same triggers but they don’t seem to work. I have been reading more books than I ever have. In the past, I read only when it was necessary. Now I’m reading a lot of books about spiritual growth and how to heal. I have joined a metaphysical church and am learning about gifts that people have. I want to learn more about these gifts and to find my own gift. I’m guessing that my gift might be that of dreams or dreaming. Dream Incubation has been mentioned to me. I think tapping into that would be my goal as well as others. There are so many things that I have learned over the last year and a half. I will use this time to write and share with whoever wants to read.
I am sending an SOS. This is to those who have begun their journey like me. It is also for those who have been on their journey for some time. It is for those who would like to share some wisdom and knowledge. I am a believer that we are all the same and we are of love. I am loved, you are loved, we are all loved. With that energy, everything becomes better. I just want to stay in that mindset. I also want to keep my heart open. If you’re out there and see this SOS, say hello.
Seeking Balance While Laughing Out Loud 