Category: Funny

An SOS – Seeking Guidance on Spiritual Growth

Published on by jkblog2013Leave a comment

I’ve come to terms that God/Source/Spirit is with me. It is not easy for me to write this. I’ve held the idea of God at the back of my mind. It was locked away and never to be discussed. I’ve always thought of myself as an atheist. All of that changed a year ago. Since that time, I have changed my views with spirituality. I have neglected my website and it has been a year since I posted anything. I actually started to write this draft about a year ago. I thought I was ready to write about my spiritual awakening but I never got past four sentences. A year later, I realize I am ready to be honest about my introduction my spiritual journey. Because I am still at the beginning of my journey, I hope whoever reads this can offer clarity and guidance.

Near Death Experience (NDE)Videos

Believe it or not but YouTube was how my spiritual awakening unraveled. My wife was getting into her spiritual journey at the beginning of 2023. I would support her but I had no intentions to join her. I was very reluctant to watch some of the videos on topics regarding spirituality. She would share with me what she learned and how she wanted me to watch them with her as well. I initially watched these with a very low level of interest. She finally got me to watch interviews of those who experienced Near Death Experiences (NDEs). When I finally gave in and started watching some of the videos, the interviewees described journeys to places beyond Earth. They would all say that those places felt more “real” than life on Earth. More “real” than Earth? How is that possible?

Some interviewees talked about popping out of their bodies and seeing their physical body. They described seeing people around them during the near death experience. They could hear the thoughts of everyone around them. I thought, “Wow, how cool would it be to hear people’s thoughts and to fly around!” Then they would talk about transporting to another place. Either by a tunnel or by some sort of portal or white light. Of course, I was very skeptical at this time. I wasn’t really taking any of this seriously. However, I was curious. That’s what would drive me to watch the entire video. I also requested that my wife only show me videos that were no more than 15 minutes long. I did not want to watch long drawn out videos. I feared these videos were trying convince me to join a church or to lure me into joining a weird group. I also had the expectation of seeing some religious text. No thanks!

During these interviews, people would talk about their journey to a new plane of existence. Some would call it heaven, others just called it a connection to spirit or “home”. I would watch their stories. Some commonalities were that they experienced a “Life Review.” They would watch and re-live an experience from their past. They would experience perspectives from everyone involved. For example, if they hurt someone, they would feel the pain that they gave to the other person. Or if they gave money to someone in need, they would feel the other person’s relief. They would also feel the joy it gave them. For the most part, they re-lived the hurt they gave someone. And that was for a reason, for them to understand that they need to change how they interact with others. In these moments of the videos, I honestly thought about my life review. I questioned what it would look like. I realized that I don’t want to go through it. I also would mentally roll my eyes about the lessons that given. In this realm, the people with the NDEs, would talk to loved ones or would have conversations with their angels. They all said that they felt this immense love that could not be described. They were given information that was necessary and were given a choice of coming back to Earth. They all came back but they all stated that they did want to stay. I would get tripped out by the fact that they wanted to stay but knew they had to come back. But what stuck with me after watching the videos is that they seemed sad to be back on Earth. They couldn’t really share this information about their experience with everyone. Even those who would talk to doctors and nurses would get a cold shoulder which made me sympathetic to them.

My wife would find more videos for me to watch. I would either dismiss them or view them after dinner. She would convince me about how good the video was when she saw it earlier in the day. So I would watch. The one NDE video that struck me was that of an atheist who nearly died. His experience was very much the same as everyone else who had an NDE. I resonated with his story when he talked about his reluctance to religion and God. He talked about how dismissive he was to anyone who would approach him with any hint of religion or God. His experience in the other realm was similar with a life review and I believe he talked to an angel. He came back to Earth with a knowing that we are all a part of God. He mentioned how he came back to Earth with more compassion. Although he did not become extremely religious, he no longer saw himself as an Atheist. He knew where we come from and where we go after this life. He had a peace with him and I immediately started to look for similar stories.

“I would like to have an NDE!”

I found the videos inspiring and I found them cool. It made me even say, “I would like to have an NDE!”. My wife would laugh and told me that she would believe me if I did have one. Later, I saw a YouTube video where a woman had an NDE as a baby. She did not realize that she had one until her brother told her about that experience. After watching that video I realized I may have had one. I felt like it may have happened to me.

There was always a family story about how I fell down the stairs twice as a baby. My brothers would make fun of me for falling down. I was learning to walk and I was in a baby walker when I fell down the basement stairs. I don’t remember any of it. The first time I fell, my mother was aware of it and had freaked out. The second time, my mother was at work. My dad covered it up so my mom wouldn’t know about it. Some time later, my older brother accidentally told my mom. He revealed that I had fallen down a second time. Of course, she was angry with my dad. While telling my wife the story, I suddenly recalled something important. My family mentioned I had passed out in one of those falls. I came to the conclusion that that I may have indeed had an NDE! This was an ongoing story that I remembered as a kid and teen. I hated hearing these stories because it made me feel like such a klutz even though I was just a baby!

I became curious about that whole event. I called my older brother and he told me a version of the story I had never heard before. He said that I passed out during the first fall. My mother immediately rushed to grab me and he saw my body limp. My mother ran upstairs and ran outside of the house hysterical. According to my brother, she was screaming and yelling outside of the house. He remembers her saying, “They took my baby! God, please help me!” At some point, while I was in her arms, I came to. My brother stated that he saw me my legs kick out and that I had started crying at that point. My mother was relieved. So it was no surprise that she would be very upset knowing that this happened again. Sidenote, there is a door leading to the basement. My parents had rented out the basement room to my uncle and aunt. Someone accidentally left the door open, hence why I fell, twice.

After talking to my older brother, I called my mother about this story. She recounted it, she got very emotional talking about it. I felt bad for bringing it up. However, it gave me confirmation that I potentially had an NDE as a child. I was just a toddler! Of course, if I did have an NDE, I don’t remember it. In the YouTube videos, people who experienced an NDE would sometimes say they felt gone for a long time. This was even though they were gone for only a few minutes on Earth. So I wonder, how long was I gone for?

Dreaming – Is it a gift?

I came to the conclusion as to why I had very vivid dreams growing up. It was most likely the result of an NDE. Becoming aware of this event made me understand some of the things I dealt with as a child. I was always confused by my déjà vu dreams. These moments from these déjà vu dreams would happen within a couple of days. They were so vivid that I couldn’t understand why I was having them.

I remember as a 6 year old trying to explain them to my parents. I would dream about myself and the people I was around. A few days later, it felt like I had been here all along. I wanted them to help me. They weren’t bad dreams but they were dreams of the near future. As I got older, I started having fewer déjà vu dreams. However, when the moments would come to fruition, there was an intense dream recall. Almost a reminder that I still had those type of dreams. I would also have odd experiences that I could only attribute to the paranormal. Yet, I always knew I had something special. It felt like I can attract more that what’s in the physical plane. I kept these things to myself. Sometimes, I shared them with my siblings when they talked about certain weird things they noticed.

I could talk more about my experiences growing up in my parent’s house but I’ll save that for another time. Fast forward to now. I only remember having had one lucid dream when I was a teenager. I’ve had four lucid dreams this year and I’m trying to figure out how to “do” it again. In all four of these dreams, an event made me realize I was in a dream. I have tried to use some of the same triggers but they don’t seem to work. I have been reading more books than I ever have. In the past, I read only when it was necessary. Now I’m reading a lot of books about spiritual growth and how to heal. I have joined a metaphysical church and am learning about gifts that people have. I want to learn more about these gifts and to find my own gift. I’m guessing that my gift might be that of dreams or dreaming. Dream Incubation has been mentioned to me. I think tapping into that would be my goal as well as others. There are so many things that I have learned over the last year and a half. I will use this time to write and share with whoever wants to read.

I am sending an SOS. This is to those who have begun their journey like me. It is also for those who have been on their journey for some time. It is for those who would like to share some wisdom and knowledge. I am a believer that we are all the same and we are of love. I am loved, you are loved, we are all loved. With that energy, everything becomes better. I just want to stay in that mindset. I also want to keep my heart open. If you’re out there and see this SOS, say hello.

Heartbroken David Just Lost 7 Years of his life

Published on by jkblog2013Leave a comment

Season 4 of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days gets more annoying and frustrating week to week. Again, I’m stuck on this train wreck until after the Tell All. This week I’ll profile David who seems confused as to why his girlfriend Lana keeps standing him up. Why don’t his friends just tell him, “Hey David, she’s not real!” Or “Hey David, that chat room looks like it was created during the AOL chat room days and you shouldn’t trust it.” A part of me feels bad for him for traveling Pavlohrad but then apart of me is hopeful he finds Lana or some dude named Lana.

Who looks sadder? Drake or David? David because he just wasted 7 years. Drake wasted 5 years chasing Rhi Rhi. At least Drake got on Rihanna’s hit list. 😉

Last night’s show left us with a cliffhanger of David actually going to the address Lana had given him for their cruise that she never showed up to. I’m going to guess that it’s going to be an old lady who’s going to be like, “Who are you? No I don’t know that chick!!!” (in Russian) and slam the door in his face. Then David will go home and still try to find Lana on chat. Then say something dumb like, “I don’t get why Lana would do this to me.” Predictable right! Thanks TLC!

Here’s what should happen:

David takes a page from the movie Taken! He goes around Pavlohrad looking for Lana. He manages to find a number that’s associated with Lana. He speaks to a bad guy and says, “I’m going to find you asshole!” Then the bad guy will say, “Good luck American asshole!”. David reconnects with his tech buddies in the US who help him find the hideout of the Russian mob where he barges in with guns blazing. David finds the bad guy from the phone call, who confesses that Lana is not real and was a model he used from time to time. David doesn’t believe the bad guy and shoots him dead. As he’s about to leave the hideout, he sees a woman that resembles Lana. He begins following this mysterious woman then gets hit in the head. Fade to black. David loses most of his memory but remembers that he’s looking for his girlfriend Lana. A Russian cop helps him look for Lana. It turns out the cop uses David to kill people for him while fooling him that he’s close to finding Lana. Now if you’re like, this sounds like the movie Taken and Memento put together, it’s because it is! (Sounds like the movie Bloodshot as well)

Pretty much sums up David.

In conclusion, as exciting it would be to see David take justice into his hands, it won’t happen. Maybe he will meet Yolanda during the Tell All and they will hit it off. As sad and depressing it is to see Yolanda chase Williams, this would be a welcoming sight, David and Yolanda connecting based on their delusions! It worked in Silver Linings Playbook! Good luck David. One word of advice, next time give the roses and champagne to a couple that deserve it, don’t be selfish to wallow in misery. Be like Drake, get on the hit list first then chase her.

  • It’s 3:56pm.

Dear Yolanda From 90 Day Fiancé , REVERSE IMAGE SEARCH!!!

Published on by jkblog20131 Comment

The recent season of 90 Day Fiancé : Before the 90 Days is one of the most frustrating shows to watch on TLC and unfortunately, I’m sticking it out till the end. There are many reasons to get annoyed with the show but today I’m going to start with Yolanda. If Yolanda is not able to figure it out herself, I’m pretty sure that her daughter knows how to do a reverse image search. The problem, the producers! The producers of the show want to drag out this catfish for as long as possible. I am sure they can do a reverse image search and quickly figure out who the man in the pictures. So who is Williams and why drag it out?

Here are my two theories:

Theory 1: They are going to bring in the real person, the real “Williams” for the Tell All at the end of the season. Maybe Yolanda will finally snap out of it and realize that she’s been catfished. Reality will set in. Yolanda may not know how to handle the truth. She might go into full denial mode like Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Shutter Island. Then TLC will do a show about Yolanda getting help on dealing with such a tragic reality in hopes of finding her a new love. Or they just might invite her back for another season like Darcey.

The real “Williams” will show up at the Tell All. Yolanda will be like, “But it’s you Williams, you’re the man I’ve been talking”, only to slapped by the host.

Theory #2: My hope is with theory #2. I hope TLC sets up Yolanda with David. They both live in Nevada, they both love emoji’s, and they both were smitten with the idea of meeting a model. These two belong together and TLC should do a spin off of these two fallen love birds only to bring them together and hopefully to marriage. If that’s not in the plans for TLC, then what are you doing???

This is the prequel to the Yolanda and David love story.
TLC’s next big hit!

In conclusion, end Yolanda’s story because there is no love at the end of this tunnel and quite frankly, it’s annoying and SAD!!! Let’s shine the light on the other couples that are becoming dumpster fires.

Finding an Audience

Published on by jkblog2013Leave a comment

In 2014, I would go to an open mic named Hot Broth just about every Thursday night. It was a small black box theater in a deteriorating 90’s era mall. I had started going to this mic in 2012. Very far from a good open mic but it had it’s charm. It had the potential to be a great spot for comedy but many factors prevented it from being close to decent. The mall was so desolate and nobody would even come to the AMC movie theater next it. The open mic was was in a very hidden area of the mall. There was a main stage that was bigger and allowed passerby’s to stop in if they saw a show going on. We were never allowed on the main stage. The improv students used it on some open mic nights. If the open mic had been in the main stage, we might have been able to start a following but as much as we lobbied, it never happened. Hot Broth was the perfect starter open mic for anyone looking to do comedy. Aside from not having an audience, there wasn’t a bar to get liquid courage, but you could get some beer at the CVS and sneak it in.

The small black box theater could seat up to 50 people. A lot of comics would come to this open mic first as it started early. They would go there to work on new jokes or to prepare for a later show in the area. The only people in the audience would be other comics waiting their turns and possibly a friend or two. On a good day, we would get someone doing stand-up for the first time who brought an entire group of friends to support them. Of course, the host would put them on the list right after the veterans, so the vets could have a semblance of a real show. Then the newbies would perform in front of a dwindling audience due to every comic leaving after their routine. The worst part of this room is that it would really deflate your ego. Once you figured out the inner workings of this room, you knew you needed to go up aggressive and try new jokes and really let yourself go. You couldn’t go to this room with some clever material that would be ideal for a politically correct crowd in DC. You came here and pulled no punches to get some respect. It was very entertaining to see new comics hit a brick wall with their jokes or seeing a random veteran throw their “A” material to the regulars, only to realize it’s a room full of comics. You’re not going to make any connections here but thanks for showing off your material. Comedian Ray Williams said it best, “If you make the audience laugh at the Hot Broth, it’s the only place that joke will land. If you take that same material somewhere else, be prepared to get no laughs. This place is weird and twisted and gives you a false hope of getting better. You learn to suck. As bad as it is here you can’t help but want to come back at this train wreck.”

That year, I befriended this young college kid named Matt. He had a lot of energy and it seemed like he really fed off of the vibe there. I have to admit, this kid was downright hilarious. I always enjoyed seeing him up on stage because as a newbie, he learned the ropes quick. Before the end of the year, I began hosting gigs there and it was humbling. I definitely learned a lot and it was good to lean on Matt for advice. We always talked about the potential of this room and how it had the power to compete with other shows around the city. We would agree that talented comedians would venture to this room for curiosity but would never come back due to a lack of audience. This room would range from the great comic who’s up in coming in the area to the veteran riding the coattails of great comic, to the downright terrible newbie. Newbies were terrible but watching them level up was always amazing. The support was there. Once you started noticing their names move up on the list, you knew they had earned respect from the vets. The funny thing about these newbies is that they really wanted to earn the respect from the vets at this location. It wasn’t like these comics couldn’t move up on their own but they looked at Hot Broth as a room to make it in. That just made Matt and I laugh hard. We would tell them, there are other places to go, better than Hot Broth but I guess it would require them to travel somewhere new and be surrounded by a new set of local comedians. All was good until it was announced that the entire theater would close for business in March of 2015.

  • Comedy Class without Steve Martin. A comedy class from the local library.

I quickly concocted a plan to bring an audience to Hot Broth. I decided to talk to my supervisor about starting a comedy class for the library. I had always enjoyed talking to new comics and would guide them to different rooms in the city. I figured I could translate that into a class. Now when I came into this project, I expected 5, maybe 10 people to sign up. I never expected to get over 75 people to sign up for this class. The local TV news announced this “free” class offered by the library and people took to the streets! Not really but I had to cap the registration for the class at 50. My first run at the workshop was awkward, crazy, and awesome. In the first class, most of the 50 people who registered showed up. I had an informational session, followed by guest comic, and then off to the mall we went!

The first time the “students” or “audience” showed up to Hot Broth, all of the comics waiting for the show to start were awe struck. It was the first time most of the seats in the black box theater were taken. All the comics were hyped and as was I. Matt was happy and I was happy to surprise all the regulars with a chance to perform in a show type venue. I was happy that the newbies who kept coming and were always at the bottom of the list week in and week out, finally had the opportunity to perform in front an actual audience. Even the first comic was excited, he was an out of towner from Boston who had done something with Comedy Central, and was like what an introduction to the DMV!

What happened next was totally unexpected. The 50 or so students, did not laugh at any of the jokes thrown at them. It’s as if the Hot Broth stayed the same and was now laughing at the comedians in the worst way. There’s an audience here for comedy but fuck your humor, fuck your jokes, fuck everything about you. Nobody got laughs and the few laughs came from a handful of veteran comics who brought in their “A” material, which they almost never did in that room. The mood of the comics went from excitement to disbelief. But in the midst of all of this, every comic felt like they could turn the tide, even the newbies. We were all wrong, even me.

The following week, some of the students said they wanted to try comedy since what they saw was very “amateurish”. I’ll never forget thinking the students in this workshop were very cocky. Luckily, I had brought in an OG as a guest speaker. I brought in my friend Jamel who used to do Hot Broth but moved on to bigger and better stages. He pumped up the workshop and took that same energy to Hot Broth. For Week 2, it was a different story. Less comics showed up this time around and the ones who were there, were coming to exact revenge for their poor showing the week before. Jamel kicked off the show and literally kicked the stool off the stage. I hosted that night and I remember seeing the names of some of my students ready to perform towards the end of the show. To my surprise, all of the comics, veteran and new, killed that night. It was a great feeling seeing each of them go up and make the audience laugh. It felt like the aura of the room was transformed to something I knew we all had inside of us. We worked the shit out of the room that night. Without being told to do better, here they were showing the same audience members from a week ago that we weren’t just beginners, they were fucking comedians. It was like all the comics banded together and just gave each other the juice. The JUICE! lol I don’t know what that means but it was special. The students who signed up on the list didn’t go up on stage that night. Cause they knew better!!! THEY KNEW BETTER!!! Talking all that shit and then backing out like punks! Fuck y’all losers. lol

Juice! Do you remember this Tupac classic???

In Week 3 of the workshop, some of the students admitted that they felt intimidated performing that evening and decided to try another time. It was the validation I wanted for my comedian friends but at the same it put my workshop into perspective. Oh shit, what the fuck am I teaching here? lol. The next two workshops were more defined and I made sure to bring in a Powerpoint presentation, which the students appreciated. The last two shows at Hot Broth were a mixture of the first and second week. I saw more comics pop into the show because of the audience and it was fun while it lasted. Once the workshop was over, it was like word got out that Hot Broth was actually worth going to. It was fun to see it go back to its normal state with a whole bunch of outsiders thinking they were getting an audience. Nah, man, this was a month long adventure mainly for the ride or die Hot Broth-ers!

My Forrest Gump Moments

Published on by jkblog2013Leave a comment

(I started a draft of this blog in 2017, I’ve decided to publish some embarrassing moments and will add more in the future.)

Sometimes I’ll be deep in thought and an embarrassing moment will pop in my head.  These are the type of embarrassing moments you would want to forget but somehow your brain has just decided to make millions of copies of such awkward moments so that you NEVER FORGET!  I wish I could forget some and every time one of these memories pops into my head, I just want to disappear.  It could have been a memory that happened 20 years ago, but it still makes me want to disappear.  I guess I think that someone who may witnessed that moment may still remember it and the thought of that embarrasses me. Weird.  Sometimes I forget that most people don’t have good memory, but still, that might be a moment that they have never forgotten.

This will be an ongoing blog as I’m sure I will have the guts to write out some of my most embarrassing moments in hopes that they will disappear from my memory banks once they are out.  I’m guessing that’s something a therapist would say. lol.  Glad I didn’t spend any money for that advice.  I write, “My Forrest Gump Moments” because I call myself an idiot looking back at those moments as if I were Forrest Gump.  Does that make any sense?  Well let’s get to my highlights, shall we?

Turtle Hook Jr. High School – Soccer – Fall 1992

I was a defenseman on the Turtle Hook Jr. High School soccer team.  We were a very good team that year.  I think we went undefeated?  I don’t remember.  So we had a couple of preseason games and in one game, we were playing against a pretty good team and every time we scored a goal, the other team would score.  It was a very close game and we ended up in overtime.  After a 6-6 tie, we scored again.  We were up by 1 goal with 2 minutes left in the game.  The coach told everyone to do whatever you can do to stall the game.  One of the older kids said, “Yeah if you can, kick the ball out of bounds!  Hell, kick it into one of the backyards!!!”  He kept yelling the same thing. “Kick it into a backyard!!!”  I took that advice literally.  I somehow ended up with the ball near our goal and turned to someone’s backyard and kicked the ball 50 yards into someone’s backyard.  It was blatant and looking back, I felt like that’s not what that kid really meant.  I took it literally and I remember after the kick everyone looking at me with shock, like they didn’t think I would actually do that.  The opposing team’s coach was furious and the referee called the game.  I guess he didn’t care to use a replacement ball since the clock was winding down.  My team won and my team cheered.  But then everyone kind of looked at me like, “Did you really just you do that?”  I shrugged it off and scratched my head because I did exactly what my teammate was yelling about.  Some of my team took it in stride and others were like, “He literally kicked the ball into someone’s yard on purpose!” It took some time to think about but I remember thinking, I should have just kicked the ball to the far end of the field.  I mean, if I can kick a ball 50 yards, then it shouldn’t have been so blatant to kick the ball out of bounds when I’m standing near the out of bounds line. Oh well. This memory randomly popped into my head recently as I had really forgotten about it until my brain was like, “Look at what I found!!!”

Turtle Hook Jr. High School – Fall 1992

After soccer season ended, I was enjoying this new found freedom of junior high school.  In elementary school, you are stuck in the same class, same teacher with the same group of kids all year round.  In junior high, I now had new sets of classmates for every period.  Granted there would be some kids you would have the same classes with but this was a whole new world for me.  There were six elementary schools and two junior high schools in my district.  So having kids from two other elementary schools, meant getting to know another part of my town that I hadn’t known about. I enjoyed making new friendships and possibly having my first girlfriend.  (I smiled while writing that sentence because I seemed bent on accomplishing that goal.)

It didn’t take me long to develop a crush.  I happened to notice a girl name M.  She was very pretty with jet black curly hair. I remember looking to see if she had a boyfriend.  She was a year older than me and I would scout her locker and sometimes would catch a glimpse of her going to class.  I would follow her routine from a distance, just like a creeper, never giving myself away.  One day, I remember leaving my last class at the bell and rushed to get on the bus. I guess I did it to be cool and slick. I left early to get out of the homework assignment.  That day I noticed that M was one of the first students to leave school.  I think it took a few weeks before I approached her but I always felt like this was the time to say something to her.  What do I say?  What do I do?  How do I react to what she says?  I had played this simulation in my head for weeks.  Sometimes I was determined to say something and my nerves, my anxiety would shoot up.  Sometimes she wasn’t there or I chickened out, only to beat myself later for not having the guts to say something.  Then one winter afternoon, I decided to say something to her.  I remember walking right behind her and I thought about backing out like I had done previous times but this time, I said this is it.  My hands started shaking visibly and I remember being startled by that.  I asked meekly, “Excuse me.”  She didn’t hear me, then I said it again louder and she turned around.  I froze and didn’t know what to do. I then said, “What’s your name?”  She replied, “M”.  I was so nervous that I remember saying, “Oh….ok.” and walked away to my bus.  I felt so stupid and was like great, that’s how I’ll be remembered, “The guy who came up to me and asked for me name and walked away. lol”

A few weeks later, I told my friend Tonya about my crush to M.  I was embarrassed in making that confession and I remember Tonya laughing at me. I remember feeling the pain of embarrassment again and just decided to forget about that situation.  Spring would start and then I would go onto the start of running track and field. While changing for practice one day in the Spring, a kid named James announced in the locker room, “Hey Kerby, you have two girls looking for you in the hallway.” All the guys in the locker room cheered and jeered me.  I thought it was a prank as I didn’t know any girl, let alone two girls looking for me. So I asked him if he was playing around.  He said he wasn’t, so I got ready and went to the hallway.  As soon as I got to the hallway, I saw my friend Tonya, and became annoyed.  In that moment, I forgot about the second person. A little annoyed, I said, “What do you want?” until I saw M standing right behind her. Tonya had said that I had blushed. I remember smiling but looking down. I sometimes wonder if it’s the same look my son makes when he’s a little embarrassed.  His checks get bright red.  So I remember sheepishly saying, hi.  She then said, I heard you like me.  I said yeah.  She said, you’re cute and I would like to go out with you but my parents won’t let me have a boyfriend right now.  I remember smiling because it didn’t feel like an immediate rejection.  It was a good rejection. I even asked her, “So if you’re parents would let you have a boyfriend, you would go out with me?”  She was like, yeah.  I felt good but sad at the same time.  She would say hello to me from time to time and I always responded back.  One day as I was rushing to Science class, a piece of paper kept falling out of my text book and I kept jamming it back.  As I got to class, the paper fell out and landed right as I was taking a step and I fell on my ass.  Everyone in the hallway started laughing.  Getting up in embarrassment, I noticed M.  She laughed at me but then winked as she went into class. After that year, her family moved away and I never saw her after that.

Turtle Hook Jr. High School – Soccer – Fall 1993

A year later, I was captain of the soccer team and some of my teammates did not like my style of play.  I played hard even in practice but there was one time when I took it too far.  Looking back, I should have never done this to my own teammate.  The offense was running 2 vs. 1 drills against the defense.  I knew what players to take it easy on and which players to play with a higher intensity.  I was on defense for this drill and from a distance, I saw a girl I had a crush on.  She was with her best friend, who’s younger brother was on the team.  I felt the need to showcase my skills as a soccer player.  So when the 2 on 1 drill started, I immediately took off and chased the player with the ball.  The kid was a year younger and a hell of a lot shorter than me.  I didn’t give that poor kid a chance to dribble with the ball 5 yards before I decided to barrel into him and pushing him into the ground.  It wasn’t a football tackle but I laid into that kid so hard that he had grass and dirt all over him after he flew in the air and rolled on the ground a couple of times.  The kids who didn’t like me immediately jumped up and down and were yelling at the coach to do something.  They were all mad at me and was like, “This is fucking practice!!! What the fuck are you doing?!?!?”

They were right. I had no reason to put that kid down like that.  It was stupid and for what to impress some girl?  When I looked at the sideline, I could see she felt bad for the kid and I tried to shrug it off like it was practice.  The coach sided with me but I think that’s because I was one of his favorite players but there was no way I should have knocked that kid down like that.  The size advantage alone should have stopped me from doing it but unfortunately, that girl came by and well…it was stupid.  Not like Rudy playing his heart out like in the movie Rudy but some idiot like Forrest Gump.  FORREST WHAT ARE YOU DOING????  I have always looked back at that memory and it still makes me feel bad.  Even after all these years, I regret that and I hope I can make that apology to him. I may get, “Man, that’s no big deal, I forgot about it.” I truly wonder if that’s the case because I still think about that till this day.  I hope to make amends one day and when I do, I’ll write and update the blog.

Washington D.C. – April 11, 2013

I decided to skip ahead and give an honorable mention a moment from adult life. I was getting my first paid comedic gig on this date.  I was heading to Bethesda, MD to perform at a show at an Irish bar called the Harp and the Fiddle.  I was nervous because my name was on the flyer and had no idea what to expect at the show.  I started to get my bearings in the comedy world at this time.  I got off of work, got dressed, and drove to Union Station.  I took the Red Line up to Bethesda.  I remember feeling cool and calm heading to the train station.  It was a warm day but it wasn’t hot.  Once I got on the train, I remember starting to get nervous.  I was feeling very tense and was thinking about my routine. I don’t remember if the lady directly across from me got on at a stop after Union Station but she noticed me at some point in the trip. She was an older white lady, who looked like she hit the gym after work and was finally going home.

She asked me if I was okay.  I said I was alright and tried to play it cool even though I was sweating profusely.  I decided to tell her after a few seconds of silence.  I told her that I was going to perform at my first paid comedic gig.  She was excited and was like, “Wow you’re a comedian? That’s great! Oh you’ll do fine.  You have nothing to be nervous about.”  I felt comforted by those words and was expecting her to ask me a question about how I got into it or who I identified with in the comedy world.  Instead she didn’t say anything after that.  If I had headphones, I would have put it on to focus but I didn’t bring them with me. After another stop, she asked me another question. With a sly smile, she ask, “Well, aren’t you going to tell me a joke?”.  I was caught off guard and wasn’t sure what to say.  I was caught up in repeating my routine that I didn’t even know if I should try my routine with her or give her one joke.  After thinking about it, I was like, okay fine. I started to tell her about my brother’s Facebook post about his cancer.  I then dropped the punchline of my joke.  It was the one joke that no matter where I said it in the routine, it had gotten laughs 99 percent of the time.  The one time it didn’t was in the room I hated the most on U Street.  Luckily, a comedian bursted out laughing in the silence of a packed house and took it as a win that night.  I guess I was feeling like I was going to get, “Oh that’s funny or that’s good.”  Even a flat, “That’s good.” would have been fine.  Instead, she got very upset.  Her smile disappeared and she looked at me with disdain.  She was like, “You shouldn’t joke about cancer! I hope you stop telling that joke. I survived cancer myself and if you keep telling this joke after today, I hope you get hit by a car.”  The silence was deafening at that point.  I should have walked away but I didn’t.  Now I really felt nervous about the show.  We sat across from each other in complete silence for a long ride to the next stop.  She got off at the next stop and I felt relief for a brief period.  I smiled at the fact that I had not expected that reaction but when you’re in comedy, you need to prepare for all types of reactions.  At first, I felt like I should have had a quick comeback but then I realized, this was not the place to do such, had it been a show, I would have had to say something back. I went on to perform at the bar show that night.  There was a large crowd of people at the bar but one the show started, it dwindled down to a small group.  It’s the way of life for a comedian.  Get hyped for a big crowd only for it to dwindle to a handful. I performed and it wasn’t great but it wasn’t a bomb either.  I got my first $20 for a comedy gig and didn’t feel like it was deserved. I did feel it was deserved for the train ride. lol It was a $20 I always kept in a drawer until one day Jennifer spent it without realizing its significance.  If I ever hit the stage again and somehow get paid, I’ll make sure to frame that fucker.