Category: Blogging

Routine Fly Ball

Published on by jkblog2013Leave a comment

A routine fly ball in a baseball game is one reason for my spiritual awakening. Not exactly the path that you normally hear about. A single baseball opened my eyes to something bigger.

As a child, I found sports to be a chore. Every fall and spring, my mother would sign up my brothers and I to play soccer. My older brother was very talented and would score goals. He was celebrated for carrying his team. My younger brother emulated him and he too scored goals. Me? I wasn’t scoring goals. The pressure to score was too much. I didn’t like it, so I pivoted to basketball and track & field.

Basketball and track & field boosted my confidence. Although I struggled with basketball, making a basket always felt good. Track & field is where I found my stride. I realized that I had quick reaction and a burst of speed. I enjoyed track meets as I felt like I could beat anyone.

My confidence grew with track & field so much so that I decided to give soccer another shot. I played better as a defender and my reaction was much quicker. I started to play other sports realizing that I could use my speed to my advantage. For the most part it worked but at times but would get frustrated in learning the fundamentals of each sport. Speed is only one aspect of each sport.

I’m not going to rehash everything about my sports career. However, I will say that when I was sprinting, there were times where I felt I was flying. It is hard to describe. My feet would touch the ground slightly for a gentle push. It almost felt like I was weightless during that movement. At times I would feel this and it felt like things would oddly slow down. I loved that feeling but if I happened to trip up, the fall would be long and painful.

Compressed with JPEG Optimizer 3.01, http://www.xat.com

The Animatrix’s World Record

Many people are aware of the movie, The Matrix. Before the sequel’s release, an animated movie titled the Animatrix came out. It had a series of animated shorts that provided some background to the story behind the Matrix. One of my favorite episodes of the Animatrix is World Record. I bring this up to give context on my baseball story. This episode always resonated with me and I always attributed it to running track & field.

In this story, the main character is trying to break the world record in the 100 meters. There is suspicion of cheating. He wants to prove to the world that he can break the record without doping. There is some discussion about the main character not running in the race. In the end, he decides to compete.

In the race, he starts off well but his leg muscles begins to tear as he’s running. Determined, he pushes through and continues the race. As he’s in the lead, he again deals with issues with his legs. However, he continues running. He runs to the point where he gets out of the Matrix. He wakes up in his pod and then he ends up back in his mind, running the race. Right before he crosses the finish line, the agents attempt to stop him from breaking the record. He wins the race breaking the world record but is clearly injured once he clears the finish line.

In the end, he’s in a wheelchair being pushed by a nurse. The agent who chased him, confirms that he will never walk again and that his memory has been wiped. At some point, the main character says, “Free” and starts to get up. The agent then says to get back down and the main character defies everything that the agent has said.

The Fly Ball – The Moment Everything Changed

I decided to start playing baseball at age 40. I love baseball. Even though I played softball in my 20s and 30s, I always felt empty for not attempting to play baseball. I signed up in a men’s recreational league and figured, why not take a chance now?

I felt like a kid again, but not in an exciting way. This feeling was similar to when I first started playing soccer. I was nervous to say the least. I always felt confident hitting the ball but playing in the field, I was lost. I tried to play right field. Right field is the area where the weakest defenders go to play. However, the manager wanted me in left field or center field. If the ball was in the air, mentally I would be freaking out about making the catch. If the ball was hit into the outfield and it was out of reach, I reacted with no hesitation. I would retrieve the ball and throw it back to the infielder. In other words, if the ball was not catchable, I felt relief.

Many times, I would either give up trying to catch the ball if it was in front of me. If the ball was coming in my direction, I would hesitate to attempt to catch it because I would be in my head thinking about avoiding making a mistake. If I did make an attempt, the ball would drop out of my glove when making the catch. It’s weird. I felt the pressure of catching a fly ball. It was made worse when I can see my teammates looking to see if I made the catch. If I did make a catch, I would feel great. My confidence would rise. But in baseball, everything is unpredictable. I always knew that the routine fly ball, would always give me trouble!

Everything changed in one game. I was in center field and I remember our pitcher was in a jam. There were no outs and he walked the first two hitters. The next batter hit a ball with a loud crack of the bat. It louder than normal and I failed to pick up on this. The ball was going far. I backed up and backed up. I misplayed the ball and fell down in the process. I remember the ball landing not very far from where I fell. I knew I was close but should have been further back to make the catch. The ball was catchable but I misplayed it badly and was embarrassed. I also could tell that the pitcher wanted the out and I felt worse.

The hitter ended up with a triple on that play. The next batter hit a line drive and ended up at first base with an RBI single. At that point, I was upset because I felt like I just allowed 3 runs on my mistake. So I told myself that I’m going to catch the next ball that comes my way. What came next was unbelievable.

I got in this weird space in my head. I was upset but also focused to make up for my bad defense. The next batter got into the box. I sensed someone was telling me to run to right field for the next play. The hitter was on the right side of the plate. Normally, when a hitter is on that side, as a center fielder you line up closer to left field. They tend to pull the ball. I played it the opposite as if someone was guiding me.

As soon as the pitcher threw the ball, it was like someone had told me to “GO!”. I immediately took off, the batter hit the ball to right field. I immediately saw the ball and thought it was out of reach. I took a sigh of relief. Then, I ran after the ball expecting to pick it up from the ground. The weird thing about this experience was that I ran at full speed and pivoted to run towards the outfield wall. After changing direction, everything began to slow down. I didn’t have any thoughts in my head.

I saw the ball from the corner of my eye. From the moment I pivoted, I was now chasing the ball. As I was running, the ball was getting closer and closer to me. It was as if the ball was floating in the air slowly waiting for me to catch it. I put my glove up and reached up to catch the ball. The ball landed in my glove and I stopped. Everything felt surreal. I couldn’t believe I caught the ball! I stared at my glove for a split second when the right fielder, immediately yelled, “GREAT CATCH!”. I was stunned just as he was. The runner on 1st base was running towards home plate not realizing that I made the catch. My second baseman also was stunned and didn’t realize I made the catch. I threw the ball back to him. He didn’t know what to do. Everyone on the field yelled at him to throw the ball to 1st base. He even said, “He caught the ball???”

I then realized everyone on the field saw something crazy. The batter was awestruck. The runner couldn’t believe it, the opposing team couldn’t believe it and my team was ecstatic! The second baseman threw to first base and got the double play. Everyone was like, “Great catch!” I was stunned and was like, what just happened??? Who told me to go? How did I know the ball would go into an area? Even the runner who was on 1st base didn’t bother to run back to 1st as he was rounding third base. He was so sure it was a hit, he didn’t hesitate to try to score, he just ran home.

Below is a diagram of the play.

Here is my hand-made diagram of the play. The red line is the path of the baseball. The blue line is how I ran towards the ball. I ran to right field and then made a mental sigh of relief when I thought the ball was not within reach so I pivoted to catch the ball. FYI – THIS IS NOT THE ROUTE YOU TAKE TO CATCH A BALL LIKE THIS!
I ran right after the pitch was thrown. I reacted once the ball was in the air.

I wished there was a way to see the replay. I wanted to see if it was just a regular play in my head or was it something more. I realized it was something more. The manager even told me, “Wow, you got on your horse for that one!” Everyone high-fived me when the half inning was over. I knew this would be a play for maybe a major leaguer. A very well-seasoned center fielder could make that catch if they knew the hitter would go opposite field but I ran as soon as the pitch was thrown.

Who does that?

That memory stayed with me. I didn’t react to the ball. I was told which way to go before the pitcher threw his pitch. I could have made a bad decision if that ball would have gone to left field or even center. I was stunned that the ball just hung up there and that I felt this weightless feeling again.

What was that?

Four years later, I now realize spirit was with me and helped me. It was like the movie Angels in the Outfield. I got an assist, maybe they even carried me to the ball or they purposely hung the ball up in the air.

I don’t know.

Maybe I somehow had the ability of an ascended master for a few seconds where anything is possible. I know something special happened and there were witnesses to see it. Did I become a great fielder because of this?

Nope.

I still dropped fly balls and had misplays on the field. I didn’t unlock a new skill. I understand that I saw something more. It is similar to the World Record episode of the Animatrix. I don’t have answer to it and I am not looking to solve it.

Even after the “Hand of God” catch, the manager benched me for the next inning. Everyone on my team laughed because they saw an amazing catch that was not rewarded. Honestly, I laughed it off. It didn’t matter. I felt something amazing. It was something I couldn’t really describe in the moment but it was amazing. Super human is the word that comes to mind.

I like to look back at this moment for my personal evidence that there is more to this world than we will possibly ever know. I also acknowledge it because the evidence is never where you expect it to be and this baseball game was it for me.

An SOS – Seeking Guidance on Spiritual Growth

Published on by jkblog2013Leave a comment

I’ve come to terms that God/Source/Spirit is with me. It is not easy for me to write this. I’ve held the idea of God at the back of my mind. It was locked away and never to be discussed. I’ve always thought of myself as an atheist. All of that changed a year ago. Since that time, I have changed my views with spirituality. I have neglected my website and it has been a year since I posted anything. I actually started to write this draft about a year ago. I thought I was ready to write about my spiritual awakening but I never got past four sentences. A year later, I realize I am ready to be honest about my introduction my spiritual journey. Because I am still at the beginning of my journey, I hope whoever reads this can offer clarity and guidance.

Near Death Experience (NDE)Videos

Believe it or not but YouTube was how my spiritual awakening unraveled. My wife was getting into her spiritual journey at the beginning of 2023. I would support her but I had no intentions to join her. I was very reluctant to watch some of the videos on topics regarding spirituality. She would share with me what she learned and how she wanted me to watch them with her as well. I initially watched these with a very low level of interest. She finally got me to watch interviews of those who experienced Near Death Experiences (NDEs). When I finally gave in and started watching some of the videos, the interviewees described journeys to places beyond Earth. They would all say that those places felt more “real” than life on Earth. More “real” than Earth? How is that possible?

Some interviewees talked about popping out of their bodies and seeing their physical body. They described seeing people around them during the near death experience. They could hear the thoughts of everyone around them. I thought, “Wow, how cool would it be to hear people’s thoughts and to fly around!” Then they would talk about transporting to another place. Either by a tunnel or by some sort of portal or white light. Of course, I was very skeptical at this time. I wasn’t really taking any of this seriously. However, I was curious. That’s what would drive me to watch the entire video. I also requested that my wife only show me videos that were no more than 15 minutes long. I did not want to watch long drawn out videos. I feared these videos were trying convince me to join a church or to lure me into joining a weird group. I also had the expectation of seeing some religious text. No thanks!

During these interviews, people would talk about their journey to a new plane of existence. Some would call it heaven, others just called it a connection to spirit or “home”. I would watch their stories. Some commonalities were that they experienced a “Life Review.” They would watch and re-live an experience from their past. They would experience perspectives from everyone involved. For example, if they hurt someone, they would feel the pain that they gave to the other person. Or if they gave money to someone in need, they would feel the other person’s relief. They would also feel the joy it gave them. For the most part, they re-lived the hurt they gave someone. And that was for a reason, for them to understand that they need to change how they interact with others. In these moments of the videos, I honestly thought about my life review. I questioned what it would look like. I realized that I don’t want to go through it. I also would mentally roll my eyes about the lessons that given. In this realm, the people with the NDEs, would talk to loved ones or would have conversations with their angels. They all said that they felt this immense love that could not be described. They were given information that was necessary and were given a choice of coming back to Earth. They all came back but they all stated that they did want to stay. I would get tripped out by the fact that they wanted to stay but knew they had to come back. But what stuck with me after watching the videos is that they seemed sad to be back on Earth. They couldn’t really share this information about their experience with everyone. Even those who would talk to doctors and nurses would get a cold shoulder which made me sympathetic to them.

My wife would find more videos for me to watch. I would either dismiss them or view them after dinner. She would convince me about how good the video was when she saw it earlier in the day. So I would watch. The one NDE video that struck me was that of an atheist who nearly died. His experience was very much the same as everyone else who had an NDE. I resonated with his story when he talked about his reluctance to religion and God. He talked about how dismissive he was to anyone who would approach him with any hint of religion or God. His experience in the other realm was similar with a life review and I believe he talked to an angel. He came back to Earth with a knowing that we are all a part of God. He mentioned how he came back to Earth with more compassion. Although he did not become extremely religious, he no longer saw himself as an Atheist. He knew where we come from and where we go after this life. He had a peace with him and I immediately started to look for similar stories.

“I would like to have an NDE!”

I found the videos inspiring and I found them cool. It made me even say, “I would like to have an NDE!”. My wife would laugh and told me that she would believe me if I did have one. Later, I saw a YouTube video where a woman had an NDE as a baby. She did not realize that she had one until her brother told her about that experience. After watching that video I realized I may have had one. I felt like it may have happened to me.

There was always a family story about how I fell down the stairs twice as a baby. My brothers would make fun of me for falling down. I was learning to walk and I was in a baby walker when I fell down the basement stairs. I don’t remember any of it. The first time I fell, my mother was aware of it and had freaked out. The second time, my mother was at work. My dad covered it up so my mom wouldn’t know about it. Some time later, my older brother accidentally told my mom. He revealed that I had fallen down a second time. Of course, she was angry with my dad. While telling my wife the story, I suddenly recalled something important. My family mentioned I had passed out in one of those falls. I came to the conclusion that that I may have indeed had an NDE! This was an ongoing story that I remembered as a kid and teen. I hated hearing these stories because it made me feel like such a klutz even though I was just a baby!

I became curious about that whole event. I called my older brother and he told me a version of the story I had never heard before. He said that I passed out during the first fall. My mother immediately rushed to grab me and he saw my body limp. My mother ran upstairs and ran outside of the house hysterical. According to my brother, she was screaming and yelling outside of the house. He remembers her saying, “They took my baby! God, please help me!” At some point, while I was in her arms, I came to. My brother stated that he saw me my legs kick out and that I had started crying at that point. My mother was relieved. So it was no surprise that she would be very upset knowing that this happened again. Sidenote, there is a door leading to the basement. My parents had rented out the basement room to my uncle and aunt. Someone accidentally left the door open, hence why I fell, twice.

After talking to my older brother, I called my mother about this story. She recounted it, she got very emotional talking about it. I felt bad for bringing it up. However, it gave me confirmation that I potentially had an NDE as a child. I was just a toddler! Of course, if I did have an NDE, I don’t remember it. In the YouTube videos, people who experienced an NDE would sometimes say they felt gone for a long time. This was even though they were gone for only a few minutes on Earth. So I wonder, how long was I gone for?

Dreaming – Is it a gift?

I came to the conclusion as to why I had very vivid dreams growing up. It was most likely the result of an NDE. Becoming aware of this event made me understand some of the things I dealt with as a child. I was always confused by my déjà vu dreams. These moments from these déjà vu dreams would happen within a couple of days. They were so vivid that I couldn’t understand why I was having them.

I remember as a 6 year old trying to explain them to my parents. I would dream about myself and the people I was around. A few days later, it felt like I had been here all along. I wanted them to help me. They weren’t bad dreams but they were dreams of the near future. As I got older, I started having fewer déjà vu dreams. However, when the moments would come to fruition, there was an intense dream recall. Almost a reminder that I still had those type of dreams. I would also have odd experiences that I could only attribute to the paranormal. Yet, I always knew I had something special. It felt like I can attract more that what’s in the physical plane. I kept these things to myself. Sometimes, I shared them with my siblings when they talked about certain weird things they noticed.

I could talk more about my experiences growing up in my parent’s house but I’ll save that for another time. Fast forward to now. I only remember having had one lucid dream when I was a teenager. I’ve had four lucid dreams this year and I’m trying to figure out how to “do” it again. In all four of these dreams, an event made me realize I was in a dream. I have tried to use some of the same triggers but they don’t seem to work. I have been reading more books than I ever have. In the past, I read only when it was necessary. Now I’m reading a lot of books about spiritual growth and how to heal. I have joined a metaphysical church and am learning about gifts that people have. I want to learn more about these gifts and to find my own gift. I’m guessing that my gift might be that of dreams or dreaming. Dream Incubation has been mentioned to me. I think tapping into that would be my goal as well as others. There are so many things that I have learned over the last year and a half. I will use this time to write and share with whoever wants to read.

I am sending an SOS. This is to those who have begun their journey like me. It is also for those who have been on their journey for some time. It is for those who would like to share some wisdom and knowledge. I am a believer that we are all the same and we are of love. I am loved, you are loved, we are all loved. With that energy, everything becomes better. I just want to stay in that mindset. I also want to keep my heart open. If you’re out there and see this SOS, say hello.

It’s been over 3 years, it’s time to write something…anything…DO IT!

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I can’t believe that it’s been three years since my last post. Writing during the pandemic was helpful and then…I just stopped writing. Every year since I’ve had to renew my subscription to the blog and I’ve thought about writing something, yet nothing was produced. It’s weird, recently I thought about my blog and it had nothing to do with the renewal. I logged back on and decided to dust off the cobwebs. For the last couple of days, I have been thinking about what to write and I’ve decided to write about my podcast. It’s probably one of the most fun and yet frustrating experiences I’ve had. I’m going to keep it short and sweet for now.

History of the Curbed Wheels Podcast

My friend Freddy, aka Wheels and I talked about starting a podcast as a way to get through the pandemic/shutdown and to revive our comedy goals/careers. I found the talks to be invigorating but was hesitant to even start. I finally decided to give it a shot and bought equipment for the podcast. It was exciting as I felt like, we could do something creative and something informative.

Freddy and I met because of comedy. I wish I could remember the moment I first spoke to him but honestly it all seems like a blur. I know I met him somewhere between 2012 and 2014 when I was performing three to five times a week. I eventually slowed down my stand-up career and really got into teaching comedy through the library. It was a lot of work but I really enjoyed it and fed off of the energy of the students who really enjoyed comedy. Some students wanted to perform and needed the push. Some were curious but wanted to learn more. Freddy was a guest comedian in some of my sessions and would talk to my students about his experiences, lessons learned, and imparted some of his wisdom to them. At the end of the four weeks, there would be a comedy show and the students would perform in front of a live audience. Sometimes, the guest comics would perform. Whenever I invited Freddy, he was the first to say yes and would perform extremely well.

Once COVID hit, we would chat about comedy and baseball. We definitely connected when it came to baseball. So much so that in 2018, we took a trip to Boston. I had planned it as the Mets were visiting Boston for an inter-league series then. Freddy is a huge Red Sox fan and I have always wanted to see Fenway Park. That trip gave me insight into Freddy’s world because he uses a wheelchair. There was a lot to consider going on this trip and made me realize how hard he has it when it comes to using public transportation. This would be a part of the podcast that I wanted to highlight. Something that would give Freddy a platform to discuss the difficulties of getting from one place to another. We brainstormed and discussed how the podcast would take shape.

The Podcast

After discussing the logistics, we just ran with it. We recorded our first two episodes on our first night of recording. Everyone was excited, it was great to see Freddy again, we hadn’t seen each other in person since 2019. It was a reunion and we had fun recording. We had a lot of response from friends and family on those first two episodes. Everyone said that they loved the show and were looking forward to the next couple of episodes.

Podcasts are very similar to doing stand-up. After a couple of times up on stage, your friends and family will stop showing up. Same with the podcast, after a couple of episodes, we were dropping off on listeners. We didn’t get many likes with our social media posts and eventually it just dried up.

I was frustrated and I was talking to Freddy about doing more on social media to promote the podcast. We got lucky with a few videos that were posted on YouTube but nothing was sticking. We weren’t consistent with our topics, on our recordings, and with our social media presence. We ended up taking a break as we both lost the energy to continue.

Conclusion?

We forged through it. Despite getting annoyed at each other we came back and just recently completed our first year of doing a podcast. We have tried to retool our show but the medium for a podcast is difficult. If you’re famous or have some sort of big following from something else, a podcast would already have a built in audience. We have started from scratch and my hope is that we can build a following.

We are still trying but we’re struggling to get listeners. We’ve dried up on our likes from our friends and families. We’re going to have to find a niche soon or this may be a project that was a part of my and Freddy’s life that became unsustainable. Stay tuned.

Heartbroken David Just Lost 7 Years of his life

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Season 4 of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days gets more annoying and frustrating week to week. Again, I’m stuck on this train wreck until after the Tell All. This week I’ll profile David who seems confused as to why his girlfriend Lana keeps standing him up. Why don’t his friends just tell him, “Hey David, she’s not real!” Or “Hey David, that chat room looks like it was created during the AOL chat room days and you shouldn’t trust it.” A part of me feels bad for him for traveling Pavlohrad but then apart of me is hopeful he finds Lana or some dude named Lana.

Who looks sadder? Drake or David? David because he just wasted 7 years. Drake wasted 5 years chasing Rhi Rhi. At least Drake got on Rihanna’s hit list. 😉

Last night’s show left us with a cliffhanger of David actually going to the address Lana had given him for their cruise that she never showed up to. I’m going to guess that it’s going to be an old lady who’s going to be like, “Who are you? No I don’t know that chick!!!” (in Russian) and slam the door in his face. Then David will go home and still try to find Lana on chat. Then say something dumb like, “I don’t get why Lana would do this to me.” Predictable right! Thanks TLC!

Here’s what should happen:

David takes a page from the movie Taken! He goes around Pavlohrad looking for Lana. He manages to find a number that’s associated with Lana. He speaks to a bad guy and says, “I’m going to find you asshole!” Then the bad guy will say, “Good luck American asshole!”. David reconnects with his tech buddies in the US who help him find the hideout of the Russian mob where he barges in with guns blazing. David finds the bad guy from the phone call, who confesses that Lana is not real and was a model he used from time to time. David doesn’t believe the bad guy and shoots him dead. As he’s about to leave the hideout, he sees a woman that resembles Lana. He begins following this mysterious woman then gets hit in the head. Fade to black. David loses most of his memory but remembers that he’s looking for his girlfriend Lana. A Russian cop helps him look for Lana. It turns out the cop uses David to kill people for him while fooling him that he’s close to finding Lana. Now if you’re like, this sounds like the movie Taken and Memento put together, it’s because it is! (Sounds like the movie Bloodshot as well)

Pretty much sums up David.

In conclusion, as exciting it would be to see David take justice into his hands, it won’t happen. Maybe he will meet Yolanda during the Tell All and they will hit it off. As sad and depressing it is to see Yolanda chase Williams, this would be a welcoming sight, David and Yolanda connecting based on their delusions! It worked in Silver Linings Playbook! Good luck David. One word of advice, next time give the roses and champagne to a couple that deserve it, don’t be selfish to wallow in misery. Be like Drake, get on the hit list first then chase her.

  • It’s 3:56pm.

Dear Yolanda From 90 Day Fiancé , REVERSE IMAGE SEARCH!!!

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The recent season of 90 Day Fiancé : Before the 90 Days is one of the most frustrating shows to watch on TLC and unfortunately, I’m sticking it out till the end. There are many reasons to get annoyed with the show but today I’m going to start with Yolanda. If Yolanda is not able to figure it out herself, I’m pretty sure that her daughter knows how to do a reverse image search. The problem, the producers! The producers of the show want to drag out this catfish for as long as possible. I am sure they can do a reverse image search and quickly figure out who the man in the pictures. So who is Williams and why drag it out?

Here are my two theories:

Theory 1: They are going to bring in the real person, the real “Williams” for the Tell All at the end of the season. Maybe Yolanda will finally snap out of it and realize that she’s been catfished. Reality will set in. Yolanda may not know how to handle the truth. She might go into full denial mode like Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Shutter Island. Then TLC will do a show about Yolanda getting help on dealing with such a tragic reality in hopes of finding her a new love. Or they just might invite her back for another season like Darcey.

The real “Williams” will show up at the Tell All. Yolanda will be like, “But it’s you Williams, you’re the man I’ve been talking”, only to slapped by the host.

Theory #2: My hope is with theory #2. I hope TLC sets up Yolanda with David. They both live in Nevada, they both love emoji’s, and they both were smitten with the idea of meeting a model. These two belong together and TLC should do a spin off of these two fallen love birds only to bring them together and hopefully to marriage. If that’s not in the plans for TLC, then what are you doing???

This is the prequel to the Yolanda and David love story.
TLC’s next big hit!

In conclusion, end Yolanda’s story because there is no love at the end of this tunnel and quite frankly, it’s annoying and SAD!!! Let’s shine the light on the other couples that are becoming dumpster fires.

The Tragic Fate of the Writing Group

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I mentioned in the Pandemic Blues blog that my passion for writing stopped while I was living in Texas. There were times where my writing would come back and then I would abruptly stop. In 2006, I had moved to a new apartment in Southwest Houston. It was the first time I was living on my own and I remember it was a very lonely period in my life. I had no family in Texas and most of my friends were through my ex-girlfriend or co-workers. I was still communicating with my ex-girlfriend and we kept tabs on each other for a few years until I moved to Washington D.C. She had always suggested I get back into writing and suggested using Meetup.com to meet with a writing group. After procrastinating, I went on Meetup.com and met with a writing group that focused on poetry. The organizer of the writing group didn’t live too far from me and I was curious to see what this writing group was going to be like.

When I first moved to Houston, my ex-girlfriend got into the Creative Writing program at the University of Houston. Meeting the professors and other student writer was intimidating. I felt outmatched and didn’t understand why. Now, I realize I didn’t have the life experience and dedication to the craft as those students. Most of the students in her class were older and seemed to have had lived in independence for some time before being accepted to the program. I wasn’t ready for the program in 2004. Fast forward to the meet up group, I met John, the organizer, in the summer of 2006. John was a blue collar worker who had retired and was looking to start a writing group that focused mainly on poetry. He had the meet up at his home and introduced me to his pets. His dog was named, Mr. Dog, and his cat was named, Mrs. Cat. lol. I am not making that up. I thought it was interesting that he hadn’t given them a nickname or just a name outside of Mr. Dog or Mrs. Cat. John was very direct and had taken a poetry class prior to starting the meet up. John had confessed to me and the group that for the first time in his life, he was embracing his creativity and wanted to explore poetry. I thought it was admirable and I connected to John because I wanted to regain my lost creativity. There were three other people who jointed the group. There was another gentleman from Miami who wanted to write again and was okay with doing poetry as a medium. He had written poetry but never shared with a writing group. There was a woman who was a fan of Rumi and wanted to express her poetry to a group. There was another young guy around my age and had wanted to give poetry a try.

In the first meet up, we introduced each other and then we gave copies of our first poem to workshop to the group. Outside of that, I don’t remember much of our first meeting outside of feeling good afterwards. I remember looking forward to writing something new for the next meet up and for the first time, felt empowered to speak up with this group. I am not sure if it was because I didn’t feel intimidated with them or that this meeting felt less structured than your typical college writing workshop where the professor dictated the rules and regulations. I kid about the regulations, but I do remember one poetry professor getting angry at a student for writing poetry in essay form with paragraphs. I remember she flat out told him, we weren’t reading his work because of his formatting. I digress. I started to get to know everyone in the group and I remember John loved to do rhymes in his poetry. Although it was forced and a basic rhyme structure, it did make me want to incorporate some rhyming structure to my poetry. The guy from Miami loved to do poetry that was based on settings and the feel of being by the beach. The lady who loved Rumi was good at performing her poetry. We did have a discussion on how her performance was great but it didn’t translate on paper. She seemed annoyed with my criticism. I don’t remember much of the other guy who was in the class but he seemed pretty cool. We spent the rest of the summer meeting at John’s house. We all took turns in bringing snacks and even found snacks for Mr. Dog and Mrs. Cat.

Enter Lady X! I looked up angry old lady and this picture reminded me of her.

Everything was pretty cool until the Fall of 2006. A new member showed up to a meet up in late September. She seemed very friendly when we introduced ourselves to her and seemed very motivated to share her work with us. We began our workshop as usual, passed around the snacks, and then things went downhill really fast. I believe we were workshopping John’s new poem. I believe it was the Rumi lady that said, “Oh John, I would totally steal the line.” and shared with the group how much she loved it. We all understood what that meant except for the new lady, whom I’ll call, Lady X. I remember everyone was impressed with John’s improvement until Lady X raised her hand and said something that shook the group. She said, “Well I hope you wouldn’t steal his line! I don’t think that’s right at all.” Rumi lady clarified what she meant by “stealing the line” meant. I also defended her and stated it was a good line, nobody was actually stealing her line. Lady X seemed to calm down after that. Once we got to Lady X’s turn, she read her first poem, and we all took turns criticizing her work. I remember it being constructive criticism. Lady X took it personal. Lady X started to be defiant and stated that she didn’t feel comfortable sharing her work with her group. She then went on to let us know that if anyone “stole” her work or lines, would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. She then told us that she was a “published” poet and took out a certificate from Poetry.com. I wanted to laugh at that moment. She was so serious about her published work. I then told her, “You know, you have to pay to publish your own work on Poetry.com right?” She was insulted by remark. I then started telling her that anyone can call themselves a published poet by paying for it. She then began to insult the rest of the group and said she didn’t feel comfortable with the group. She felt attacked and immediately left the house. We were all in shock. Her tirade lasted about 10-15 minutes. The rest of the group were shocked by everything that had happened and how it escalated quickly. We all left that John’s house that night and none of us thought this would be the last time we would ever see each other. The next day Lady X had emailed the group repeating the same sentiments from the house. John tried to diffuse the situation and unfortunately that enraged her more. As a group, we were shocked and thought she would have stopped but she continued.

John decided to stop the meet up. He didn’t feel comfortable meeting at his home and Lady X seemed to point her vitriol at John. I always wondered if she thought John was me because John never said anything to her in the house but who knows. Nobody stepped up to take over and I didn’t either. I could have looked at meeting rooms in libraries near me but I never got proactive. It all stopped with Lady X. Looking back, I feel sad that we never continued. I did invite John to my 27th birthday party. I had a kickball themed party. Very much like a Texan, John came to my birthday ready to play and made sure to bring his 6 pack. He didn’t mind playing kickball with people twenty years younger than him. He was the last person from that group that I saw after that. 14 years later, I sometimes wonder if things would have continued had Lady X not showed up or if I stepped up to take over. I wonder if it have jumpstarted me to writing again. For that brief period, I remember feeling the joy of writing and not feeling alone.