“How To Not Fat” seems to be the theme for me and a lot of people.  It’s about making the right choices when it comes to eating and it can be pretty stressful.  When you begin a diet, you are motivated by the transformation to a former self or a new you but by Week 5 you’re ready to eat some cookies, ice cream, or a pepperoni pizza.  Fuck it! Fuck it all to hell!  I am craving sugar and grease!  (If you don’t get like that until Week #35, then good for you.  You’re better than me and you deserve a cookie!)

Jennifer and I know the struggles of avoiding sugar and eating bad foods.  It truly is a drug, you can be off of it for months and then Thanksgiving & Christmas come along and you take a bite out of a pumpkin pie or a greasy NY pizza slice and you’re ready to binge.  I didn’t know what eating healthy was until I met Jennifer in 2013.  Before Jennifer, my diet consisted of fast food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Sometimes I would go on a “diet” and eat frozen meals that were low on calories but high on sodium or eat a salad at a Wendy’s.  Now salads are good but not when you’re pouring dressing on the salad like you are literally dressing them up to go somewhere nice to eat. It was more of a soup than a salad. lol  Looking back, that salad and my diet became null & void.  I also had no problem telling people I’m going to McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, Wendy’s, Pizza Hut, Dominos, Wings N Things, Pollo Campero, Subway, Checkers, Sonic, Jack In The Box or any local pizza joint.  Of course, I would wash it down with a Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi.  Nothing wrong with that right?  I figured if I kept active, it would all work itself out.  I also didn’t drink an ounce of water either.  This had been something I had been doing since I was a kid.  Water was just foreign to me.

I carried this habit once I started college and didn’t realize this was a problem until a couple of years ago and I think a lot had to do with moving to Washington D.C.  There aren’t a lot of fast food joints readily available like they are in Houston, Texas or Long Island, NY.  I started to notice that maybe I need to avoid fast food when I started getting weird looks about where I would want to eat.  And I was like, “Why are people too good for McDonalds???  I mean Filet-O-Fish is 2 for $5 during Lent! It’s amazing!”  I also noticed that I had to drive very far to get to a nearby Wendy’s or a Burger King.  D.C. has a lot of fancy, trendy restaurants and this is the city where everyone has some sort of status.  So why would someone with status go to a McDonalds, right?  Also the people of D.C. love to flaunt their alma maters.  So why would someone with a degree eat a Big Mac, right?  It’s beneath them, it’s beneath many in D.C.’ers.  Well to be clear, McDonalds or any fast food would be beneath the transient D.C.’ers.  The locals who grew up in the area seemed to love fast food too, especially hidden gems like Horace and Dickeys. It’s the best fry fish place in DC!  They also showed me the nearby Papa Johns, the hidden Checkers on Capitol Hill, and many other places where you had to be in the know.  Ben’s Chili Bowl was a tourist trap and everyone who knew that I had a penchant for greasy food, told me to avoid that place. They were right, that place wasn’t anything special. lol

It took a long time for me to really assess that eating out all the time was no bueno.  Once Jennifer and her mother finally pressed me to work on lowering my blood pressure to a normal level, it started to sink in a bit.  I was a “walking heart attack” to my doctors and for years I managed to convince them that I would work on it.  I didn’t want to take any pills and I convinced myself that if I exercised and cut some of the crap, I would lower it.  I was wrong and I never lasted long on my crash diet.  The numbers fluctuated and I could tell you that the bottom number was always above 120.  I think the highest I ever saw my BP was 210/140.  How am I still alive???

I was conditioned to believe that there is nothing wrong with loving food.  I believed eating everything you had on your plate and since I wasn’t really getting body shamed, I felt no guilt, especially when I lived in Houston.  I would run, lose some of the weight, and feel good about myself.  There were times where I did lose a significant amount of weight but my diet would still be as bad and I would overlook it based on the numbers on the scale.  Even though I felt fit and looked it, my BP was still off the charts.  I didn’t think about changing my eating habits until I had severe Plantar Fasciitis.  At one point, I was playing soccer, running 3 miles a day, and playing other sports with friends during the week and my body just couldn’t take it anymore.  I was now 34 years old and I couldn’t run anymore.  Walking was very painful.  After a few weeks of inactivity, I knew then that I had to start doing things differently as I couldn’t run my weight away anymore. I reluctantly started Weight Watchers and learned from Jenny different exercises that would help build muscle.  Once I started tracking down everything I ate, it finally hit me.  I have been guilty of overeating and not taking the time to enjoy a well portioned meal.  Once that started, I was able to focus on avoiding sugar and over indulging.  No more 2nds or 3rds!  It was a lengthy process but I was able to get through and see results.  My blood pressure started to dip down to levels that were still high but not to the level that they were before.  I’m at a constant battle of trying to keep the weight down and staying on track with dieting.  It truly is a lifestyle change.  I just have to always stay on track and it’s tough because of the holidays, visiting family, or just a craving that won’t go away.  It’s something that I will have to tackle from now on and have the support from friends and family.

I have to give credit to Jennifer and her mother, Jenny.  Jenny is all about fitness and eating right.  She’s very fit and full of energy.  Granted she can get upset about a minor joke but it’s all in fun.  The great thing about them both is that they are understanding about when you get off track on a diet and are extremely supportive on getting you back on your feet.  Of course there’s some ribbing during family events but it’s good to not feel so guilty when you get off track and gain some weight.  That’s the frustrating part is when you know you’ve gone off track and notice the weight gain.  This summer was a bit brutal.  Family vacation to Myrtle Beach, eating whatever, then eating a lot of BBQ and some sweets throughout the months of July and August and boom, 12 pounds gained.  As of now, I’ve shed about 7 pounds.  I started to get back on track after Labor Day weekend and so far I’m doing well.  I’m a little worried about Thanksgiving but I think I’ll be in better shape to handle the temptations.

I remember when I was a teenager that could eat whatever and would never gain weight.  It was frustrating for me back then because I wanted to get bigger and I didn’t want people to assume that I was a stick.  I just didn’t realize that I was burning calories consistently based on my activities.  I had an idea that I was eating bad back then when I wouldn’t do much on the weekends and go to soccer practice on a Monday and feel really sluggish.  I always felt a bit slower and knew that my body wasn’t in the shape it should be in until the middle of the week.  I guess once I gained my Freshman 15 in college, I wish I could have educated myself on what not to eat.  The idea that you could just burn off the weight and keep yourself in shape stuck with me from high school on.  Now I realize that is just part of it.  I hope to instill what I’ve learned the last three years to my kids and hope they can avoid all that junk.  If they do eat it, I would hope that they don’t get consumed by it like I was.

I didn’t want to make this into a long post but I guess the more I think about it, there is a lot I could not ignore.  I could write a long lengthy story, detailing this journey but I’ll wrap it up here.  I am not patting myself in the back because I’m trying to eat better now, I would say that I’ve learned and finally embraced a new idea.  Being stubborn could have cost me a heart attack. Being stubborn has left me wondering if I’ve damaged my body to the point where I might not recover.  I worry about my kidneys and hope they don’t fail.  I hope there will be a time where I don’t have to worry about my blood pressure anymore.  I want to grow old and I hope I can get there.  I hope to stay on track.