My son was born last year and of course, my life changed forever.  When my son was born, I honestly couldn’t believe it.  I was thinking, here is this little being who is going to call me “Dad” one day.  What is this going to be like?  I didn’t even know what to do when I physically saw him for the first time.  I just touched him with my finger to see if he’s real!  It was just too surreal and for some reason, the first 24 hours with Nik felt like a dream.

The first couple of days, the first few weeks were memorable.  He was so tiny, he took a lot of cat naps, and seemed to be curious about his surroundings whenever his eyes were open.  I was learning everything I could about taking care of a newborn baby.  My friends and family were always asking me, “What’s it like being a Dad?”  “How do you feel now that you are a Dad?”  Honestly, I didn’t feel anything Dad-like during this time.  I was expecting it to hit me right away but I was consumed by making sure I was there for my family.  I wanted to make sure my wife and I were doing everything right in taking care of Nik.  We were learning what works best for Nik and following the outline of things to do and look out for from our pediatrician. A part of me felt like I was learning to babysit a new child.  I wasn’t panicking that I didn’t feel like a Dad but I figured it would hit me in time.  In the first couple of weeks of having Nik in the house, I thought about it whenever someone asked me that question otherwise it really wasn’t on the forefront of my mind.

I would say about 3 months or 4 months in, it finally happened.  I wish I would have recorded the date now looking back but the memory is still there.  It was early on a Saturday morning, around 4 or 5am when Nik started to cry.  Jennifer faintly said, “It’s your turn now.” and I was reluctant to get up.  I knew Jennifer was tired and had been up with him earlier so I had no choice but to get up.  I remember being so annoyed with Nik and I was like, “Alright, let’s do this.”  I knew he wasn’t hungry as Jennifer had given him a bottle when she was up with him.  So I figured he either had to be lulled back to sleep or needed a diaper change.  His diaper was full so I picked him up and took him to the changing table in the other room.  I turned on the light and put him on the changing table.  I was the only one that really used the changing table.  Jennifer and her mother would change him on the fly on the couch or on the bed.  I just needed to have all the diapers, wipes, and the Peepee Teepee around me so that I wouldn’t mess things up on the couch or the bed.  My fear was to have Nik pee all over me or all over the bed or couch.  If you don’t know what the Peepee Teepee is, it’s a cone shaped cloth that basically absorbs the pee in case your baby starts going while your changing them.  I only ended up using once, so I guess I got lucky. lol

Nik had calmed down when we got into the other room.  He was very calm when I put him on the changing table.  I remember taking off the soiled diaper and began grabbing the new diaper when all of a sudden a loud fart emerged.  He farts loud and I wake up instantly.  Up until that moment, I thought baby farts were supposed to be a soft noise, a cute noise, something associated with adorable and the phrase “awwwww”.  This was not adorable whatsoever.  This sounded like a man fart.  The type of fart you hear in a public men’s bathroom.  I was shocked and looked at Nik with astonishment.  I was very awake now.  I looked at Nik and was like, “Only a baby but farts like a grown man! I’m so proud of you!” and I start laughing uncontrollably.  My laugh was contagious that Nik starts laughing uncontrollably as well.  It was the first time that we had a moment like that.  I connected with him more than ever and it was the first time I had him laughing like that.  I wasn’t into making silly faces or silly noises.  Jennifer would make him laugh like that and she would tease me for not trying to do that with Nik.  I would get a smile from him from time to time but not a giggle.

After changing his diaper, I held him for a long time.  I remember looking directly at him and saying, “I love you son!”  I had woke up with an attitude and now I’m looking at my son and saying, “Every single moment I spend time with you is worth it!” with a giant grin on my face.  I remember not wanting to go back to sleep in that moment, I even wanted to wake up Jennifer for that moment but quickly realized she was too tired to be bothered.

I put Nik back to sleep in the bassinet and remember crawling back to bed.  I remember not falling asleep right away as I was so happy to have that moment with Nik. I couldn’t wait to tell Jennifer about it.  I remember being excited that I can finally answer my friends and family with a sincere response that made me feel proud to be a father.